Desperate prayers

Yesterday, our church congregation had some time for members to share faith-building experiences, as we do on the first Sunday each month. I had been pondering for a few months what I wanted to share, so I approached the microphone when the time seemed right.

I bravely stood and just shared in a genuine way how

exactly a year ago, the third type of chemo had failed for my son. The doctors had recommended trying the last one on the list. During that time, I prayed aloud every day on my way to school. I prayed desperate, pleading prayers. I prayed for the faith to make good things happen and to see the good things that did happen. I prayed for the chemo to work, but I prayed that if it didn’t I would somehow make it through. I knew these prayers were desperate when I started for asking for things I didn’t even know enough to ask for. I asked for angels, I asked for my son’s pain relief, I asked for more time.

But I also said thank you. Every morning I found several things to be grateful for: people who helped us, the peace I had received, and other people’s prayers. Honestly, I think it was the gratitude that helped me most. 

Today, Q is still in a tight spot, but doctors have found a chemo that works. When I look back on the last year, I realize my prayers have been answered in big ways, but it feels like they were answered a little at a time in my heart.

12 thoughts on “Desperate prayers

  1. This is so inspiring. I, too, have prayed desperate prayers, but did not think of gratitude. I’m so glad that you have found strength in gratitude. The words you spoke went directly to my heart. They were so honest. Thank you for sharing!

  2. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal experience on so many levels. You can add my prayers to all those others that are being sent your way!

  3. This is very inspiring. The ferocity of your prayers comes through so strong. I will join in prayer with you and say one for your son today.

  4. The intensity of your prayer comes through. I am so thankful that the doctors found a chemo that worked.
    I love your comment about the medicinal effect gratitude had on you.
    Beautiful, even though it has been such an ordeal.

  5. “I realize my prayers have been answered in big ways, but it feels like they were answered a little at a time in my heart.” That’s the clincher for me. This is an excellent slice. The reality screams through in your thought stream of italics. You have a really fine way of putting us into your shoes. You have my prayers tonight too.

  6. When I saw this post in your sidebar, I knew I wanted to click on it. I love that you have managed to find gratitude in the midst of your trial. Prayers for Q and your family. And thanks for pointing out that prayers can be answered a little at a time if we take the time to notice.

  7. These types of stories are always so cool to read, especially when they effect to somebody who we know. I am glad that your son is getting better, and that you’re doing better. 🙂

  8. I like the phrase, “I asked for angels”.

    It’s like asking for a mix between a miracle and a miracle worker, which is exactly what you needed.

  9. This is truly beautiful. I’m not quite sure how to explain it. It’s so human, yet so divine. Where most would be bitter with God were they in your place, you reach out and thank him. I can’t begin to express how deeply that touches me. I’ve seen so many give up on God in their times of intense trial, yet you demonstrate that you not only haven’t given up on him, but that you know he hasn’t given up on you. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  10. I think it’s awesome that you can recognize the blessings that have come because of Q’s sickness and that you are grateful for the time you’ve had with him. Most people don’t recognize what they’ve been given and instead focus on the problems.

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